Theres a hole in my mind that I'm trying to fill it wont let me forget messages and monuments from worlds I once knew and I don't feel too well
I feel the tears about to pour Thoughts of marigolds in my head the marigolds in my neighbors yard I would ruin after throwing tennis balls on their lawn
The sounds of my mothers suitcase rolling from her room above me and the smell of her airline uniform after a goodbye kiss leaving me with marks of bright pink lipstick on my cheek
Friends pictures that I couldn't fit in my wallet and broken pieces of plastic that have memories which mean the world to me
Laughter that felt like earthquakes
Cries that felt like the universe was being vacuumed up beneath me
Smiles that made me feel invincible and everything revolving around me
Days when I would never avoid a soul days when my house was filled with warmth and home days when the only thing that scared me was the dark
Oh to be only scared of such a thing as the dark
Its funny how it works when you open a door it dangles words in front of your eyes and they wont go away until you decide to share them with the world
Thats when they disappear
Only the beautiful minds can be so lucky to capture a glimpse and be able to share whats on the other side of the looking glass mirror
But my tears have stopped and I'm sure they'll start again once I stop sharing these odds and ends I will always try To share my light Because thats the only way I think To let it grow And pass on
Well its a New Year. A happy one? I'll sure as hell say so. I hope you had a happy Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Wednesday, Saturday, Boxing Day. Mine was all really awesome. My Hanukkah was a bit off a write of because of my late hours at work. Although tensions with my family were on high alert - so I think this year was just meant to be a bit melancholy. However my little sister bought me some really nice body shop nick-knacks. LOVE EM! My Christmas was fantastic though! This year I spent it over on the island with my girlfriend and her family, and I got spoiled majorly!
My girlfriend spoils me enough just with her love, warmth and affection, but I felt like a spoiled little brat this Christmas. I've never really had a girlfriend go "all out" for me on any occasion whether it was my birthday or any holiday. There have been some nice gestures in the past, but nothing like what Kyla did at all. She made me this beautiful memory box covered in pictures and memories and filled it with all sorts of goodies to pamper myself with. Lets just say she knows me too well. She also bought me the comfiest robe I have ever worn in my life! It takes a lot of will power just to take it off. And if that weren't all enough she also bought me a Buddha board! I had seen it in the mall a couple months back, and TOTALLY forgot about it. I was shocked when I opened it up. If you don't know what a Buddha board is, I made a quick video to show:
Her mom also gave me a box filled with candy and socks and toys, and she also made me three BEAUTIFUL candles. I don't even know if I'll be able to them, I like them so much. Then we went and visited her grandma in our pj's where I had some of the most delicious baked goods I've ever had. I definitely hope we visit granny more often :P And after that we had a wonderful dinner at her cousin's place.
Definitely one of the best Christmas' I've ever had.
Then I was back just in time to celebrate my brother's 19th birthday. We had a couple night's of celebrating since he is finally legal drinking age. And since he doesn't have to use MY id anymore, we can finally go out drinking together for once. We went to Clancy's - a small quiet bar just across town for his actual birthday on the 26th. I bought him a shot of 151, which topped off his night nicely. I went out for lunch the next day at a small diner with him and his friends, and then to Foggy Dews Friday night for drinks and dancing. It was good times, and fun to see Max in that sort of atmosphere, and getting to know his friends on another level.
New years was very tame. Just me and my girl at my place. Some drinks. Some Pizza. Some Scrabble. Some Jenga. A nap here and there. And a joint. I wouldn't have wanted to bring in the new year any other way. In fact, we ended up doing two nights of celebrating. The second night was a bit more scandalous though...I wont be going into any details there, I will only say that it was nothing short of amazing, and I wish every night could be just like that.
Again I've been really lame with my Blog updates, and I know I would be able to put in more detail into all of these events if I made them more frequently. BUT - I have a plan on how to do better with that. I'm making it one of my NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!!!
Yes....thats right. This year I am making some resolutions...something I've never really done before. But here they are:
1. More frequent blogs
2. Listen to more Neil Diamond
3. Make more time for creativity
4. Watch less TV
5. Phone girlfriend more often
6. Eat breakfast
7. Go back to school
8. Make more time for friends
9. Take more photographs
10. Get rid of "N" drivers license
11. Go swimming at least once a week.
Yeah, that should do it...
We'll see how that all goes. And if everyone could be so kind as to kick my ass every so often to make sure I'm keeping up with them all.
Life without love is worthless. I don't envy those Who don't live their life to love. The love of light. The love of friends and family. I feel sorry for them. But sometimes I have to remember to pity. Because at times I find myself hating - for their lack of love. But by hating, I'm being just like them.
So sorry I am.
My best friend and I hung out tonight. We examined our snow tracks from the month past. We both like to make sure, That we each stay on the sidewalk.
Sometimes we step on a few cracks, But we learn from them, And we help each other understand And remember what everything is truly all about.
We always know. But we don't always remember.
We watched a candle burn for an hour.
I don't know any friends who do that.
I'm blessed.
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Anyways - keeping things in this Matrix. I want to give a shout out tonight to commend Channel M on their late night color testing image and sound.
Instead of showing the THIS after their programing:
(Yeah, gotta love passing out while watching TV then waking up that brain scratching noise)
Channel M is kind enough to top of the night with a very relaxing and calming background:
Things like this are VERY much appreciated.
I also wanted to show off my new stylish Mickey Mouse watch as I casually eat a grapefruit and watch the Canucks game.
So I've finally invested into a decent webcam. I bought it hoping it would inspire some sweet artsy videos, but I can't seem to stop playing around with the crazy effects it comes with. One in particular that completely distorts your face and makes you look like some sort of cartoon character. As you can see - I've been having a bit TOO much fun with it.
Now not only have I found this webcam truely fascinating, but so has my brother. We has a real good laugh last night until 4am. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long long time. I was CRYING! Let it be known that in the following video, Max and I are completely sober and extreamely tired at the same time. May thought i was just taking photos at the beginning, and was saying "now" so that I'd take the shot.
And of course more photos followed...
So anyways I thought I'd share the news about my new camera. I'm really excited about it. I think some fun, entertaining and maybe inspiring videos will be on their way soon.
Another big plus to having a new webcam, is finding little videos made my your girlfriend hiding for you in your computer. Thanks baby xoxo!!! (That one is just for my eyes though...not that its inappropriate or anything...but I'm just greedy like that).
When I first started this blog, I though I'd be writing in it everyday. I've just been wrapping myself up in life so much these days, that I've hardly been able to sit back and take a look at it lately.
I just started a new job for the winter. Not sure if I'll be keeping it after the season, but it has really messed up my entire sense of time and schedule. My hours are usually from 2pm-10pm, and I'm not getting used to it at all. I usually write my blogs and do all my creative projects in the evening, but all i do now if come home, talk to my girl for a bit and head straight to bed. Then I don't wake up until about 12, giving me time to quickly eat, get ready and head back to work.
I think I'm going to have to make some changes soon. I don't like feeling like a slave to the system. The system should be my inspiration and muse. I feel as if I'm getting sucked into it, although I'm fully aware of it the entire time, I'm still going along with it.
The only time I feel as if things are going right is when I'm with my family and my girlfriend. And I've hardly even been able to see my friends at all. And to top it off, I haven't had a good home meal in weeks since my work hours over lapse with my dinner time, which was always my favorite and determining part about living at home.
It is a good learning experience though. Seeing the world from a different perspective. I like to be able to see things from all sides of the spectrum. it gives me a greater understanding of people and reasoning.
I find it sad to think that this is the way many people live out their lives. Where it's completely revolving around an uninspiring job, and only being lucky enough to to find time to spend with people they love, and doing things they love doing. But those are the things that life should be about. Those are the things that should occupy your time. I can't begin to tell you how much it angers me when my work schedules me for a day I told them I would not be working, and the way they react when I tell them that my job isn't on my list of priorities.
I think people need to remember that there will always be jobs out there. If they fire me for wanting to do the things I love, and the things that I live for - then GREAT! It'll only inspire me more. Time is such a precious thing. We're never getting more of it, only less. Life is just a countdown until the end. And though a lifetime might feel long - it isn't. And I don't want to waste one damn minute when I don't have to.
Anyways thats my rant for today.
I'm going to try to get my poetry and photos and videos flowing out of me again soon.
I went to the war & occupation protest at the Vancouver Art Gallery on Saturday. I took some video of the speakers and some photographs, and thought I'd share their message.
I went there thinking it was going to be a Ron Paul meet up, wanting to get some bumper stickers or a t-shirt, and found these guys instead.
I was very sad to see the number of people completely ignoring the protesters, but I was really inspired by the words some of the speakers, especially the ex us militant.
I do have to make one comment about one of the photographs I took of one of the signs. It said "Zionism = racism". This is a bit of a touchy subject for me. There is a lot of history there, and I do believe the Jewish people need to have a homeland of some sort. Theres a lot of black, white and gray with this topic - but something I wanted to point out.
But check out the website of the protest organizers, theres definitely a lot of love and care there. Also have a look at the story of Alison Bodine, its sure to give you an angle on where our government is heading.
We all have had dreams that we never forget. Even if its a glimpse or just a flash of it. There are some that haunt us our entire lives, and some that we try to figure out the meaning of years after having dreamt. I have had many that stuck with me over time; many nightmares, a few awkward moments, some magical adventures, and lots of women. Now usually when you dream of the opposite sex, you hardly ever remember what that person looked exactly, even right after waking up. And most times you don't even remember the dream at all. But when I was very young, I had a dream that never left my mind. It started out with me in a swimming pool outside a mansion somewhere in California. There were palm trees, the water was bright blue and warm, and all the colours were extremely vibrant. Then a beautiful woman in a classic 1950's bathing suit swam up to me. A brunette with her hair in a head cap, bright red lipstick, huge eyes, and a perfect smile. She was like a goddess. I remember not wanting to take up, because it felt like heaven. This woman I had created in my mind has been the epitome of allure, elegance, and beauty ever since. We went on to swim together, until another man came along. He was after her. I remember feeling the jealously completely flood my body, and I started to fight him for her right in the water. We dragged each other to the bottom of the pool, where it turned into the bottom of the ocean. We struggled for a while until I finally able to defeat him, and I was able to give a hug to the girl before I woke up. I remember waking up and lying in bed for the longest time. I knew I would never forget it.
I'm writing about this dream because a few months ago I was doing some casual channel surfing on a lazy evening, and I came across this one channel with these same vibrant colors I had in my dream all those years ago. So I continued to watch...
MY ENTIRE DREAM WAS PLAYED OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
Everything. The pool that turned into the ocean. The colors. The warmth. The guy. The GIRL. It blew my mind! I didn't know if I was just dreaming again, or if I was caught in some weird twilight zone. I felt dizzy, sick and very zen all at once. It was as if I was in a state of deja vu that I couldn't escape.
The movie was On An Island With You starring Esther Williams. Now I don't know if I fell asleep while watching this movie with my grandparents, or if it was a vision from a past life. I have no idea. But it is one of the strangest things that I have ever encountered. I couldn't just sit and let this crazy phenomenon just pass me by. I had to do something. So the only thing I could think to do was write a letter to Mrs. Williams explaining everything. The next day I looked up her address and did just that, trying to sound as normal as I possibly could. But I had to keep it genuine at the same time. Now if you're not familiar with Esther Williams - here are some clips:
She was also an icon for for many military soldiers in the 1950's. View clip here
Now I've never written to a celebrity before. I find it to be a very strange thing to do actually. Makes me think of stalkers. But I couldn't NOT do it. I held my letter for a few days before I finally worked up the courage to send it. I knew it sounded completely crazy, but I figured that she probably wouldn't end up reading it anyways - so I figured: what the hell? I told her that I had never heard of her before I saw her on TV the day before. I also wrote that I didn't expect her to respond, and that I simply just wanted her to know about my experience. But today - to my amazement - I got a response. In a large yellow bubble envelope Esther Williams sent me a signed vintage photograph from the very same movie I dreamt of her in. She must have gone through some trouble to get it too, cause it is a VERY old photo. Usually I think they send out new reproduced copies, but this even has the official studio stamp on the back. It was really unexpected, and totally made my day.
I feel as if I wrote a letter that was sent to past, and she was able to reply to the future.
